Wednesday, November 3, 2010

It's Your Birthday

Today is your birthday. In my mind, you are still young. I see you healthy and smiling, always upbeat. I wonder how you would have changed at 58. How we would have grown together with our kids and now our grandchildren. I know you would have loved them dearly, and they you. I wish they could have known you.

I just watched a video about some children who lost grandparents and parents. As they experienced their grief, their teacher encouraged them to, "Let people live in your heart. They live there forever." It's true. When you love someone, they leave an indelible mark on you. They become a part of you forever.

Though our lives diverged 21 years ago, I still carry you with me. When you were here, you assured me of your love every day through words and actions. Sometimes I have dreams that I am trying to get to you, but you don't recognize me anymore and your love for me is no longer the same. I imagine you walking into a room, but a lifetime has passed and how would we ever connect again? There would be so much to tell each other that we didn't experience together.

Then I have to stop dwelling on those thoughts because they only cause me to doubt what I once knew so well, you and your love.

In two days, it will be the anniversary of our marriage. I always feel melancholy this time of year because of the benchmarks of our life together. But I wouldn't have traded a moment of our union. I cherish that you were once my husband and that I was your wife. You left a mark, an impression on my life that can never be removed. You will always be with me, part of me, and for that I am deeply grateful. I wouldn't want it any other way.

Happy Birthday. Happy Anniversary. I love you. Thank you for entering my life and for all the love that you brought to me and our children.

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